More than a Garden Variety Show

for The New West

“Take a deep breath and lower your expectations.”

Sketch comedians A. J & Rob are prepping the audience for their improv act at the Easterbrook Theatre. They are part of the Garden Variety Show, a Vaudeville-themed production with an ever-changing lineup of performers.

Tonight, the bawdy audience is keeping this fast-paced duo on their toes. Some of the audience-suggested improv lines can’t even be uttered aloud, much less printed here. Judging by the ones that do get read, they must be quite salacious. No need to lower expectations here: it turns out to be comedy gold.

“My cheekbones hurt from laughing so much,” explains audience-member Mike Dorian after the show.

The Garden Variety Show is the creation of James Jordan, who bears a resemblance to Kevin Smith. At the end of every month a new bill of unrelated acts, local and international, are brought together to create a unique and one-of-a-kind entertainment event that this city has been lacking since the late 1930s.

“We take people that you would normally only see at corporate parties and private functions and put them on stage,” says Jordan.

Don’t know what to expect? Well great, neither does he.

“Every facet of the show is unpredictable,” points out Jordan. He wants to give the performers an environment in which to thrive.

“I just let it happen.”

The evening is billed as more than a show; it is a social gathering, and a community in the making.

And indeed, being in the audience does feel like being part of the community. The Pop Shoppe sodas, the Dad’s cookies, the chance to win dinner at Tubby Dog: what more could one ask for in a night on the town? You feel like you are sitting around Jordan’s living room on any given Saturday night, rather than in a theatre.

This is exactly the experience that Jordan is going for. “This show is like hanging out at the pub after the performance for the audience.” And anything goes.

If improv isn’t your thing, then maybe music, card tricks or contortionists are. That’s the beauty of a Variety Show: there’s a little something for everyone.

Cirque du who provides the audience with impressive displays of body twisting, splitting and folding that has mouths agape and minds wandering. Where did she learn how to do that?

Turns out, right here in Calgary. Cirque du who appears courtesy of Velocity Motion Werks, a school of circus arts run by artistic director Peter Van Thiel. If you’ve ever thought about running away and joining the circus, you can start by going to their drop-in classes every Saturday between 4:00 – 6:00 pm for only two bucks!

The evening ends with musical guest, Neil Gunhold. He’s a man who likes to roll with the punches. He can perform doo-wop death metal, a country version of Nine Inch Nails’ Closer or a bluegrass version of Guns n’ Roses, depending on his mood. His conversational and open nature on stage and his explicit thoughts about his craft only add to his dynamic music.

Mark Twain, Abe Lincoln, Jackson Pollock, Tom Sizemore and Bobcat Goldthwait all manage to play a part in the evening. Throw in some wacky pig mug gifts, hand-stitched coasters and free snacks at intermission and you have yourself a Variety Show.

As summed up by one of the performers: “it’s the same thrill as getting a tattoo by a blind guy.”

Politiko

for The New West

It’s Friday night and the atmosphere is lively in The Big Secret Theatre. It’s Opening Night of Jason Patrick Rothery’s play Politiko and actually, it feels more like a House Party in here.

I am thinking about 1991. I am in Grade Ten. Beverly Hills 90210 is my favourite show, Roxette is my favourite band and Smells Like Teen Spirit is the number one single, even though I won’t discover the true musical genius that is Nirvana for another two years. I have a perm and acid wash jeans and I work at McDonald’s. These memories are as clear and as vivid to me as if they happened yesterday. What I don’t remember so clearly is the state of American politics, which I am quickly brushing up on, thanks to the Cheat Sheet included in my program.

As with music, 1991 is a pivotal time for politics south of the border. Paula Jones has accused President Clinton of sexual harassment; Ken Starr has been appointed to lead an investigation in which he will recommend impeachment, stemming from the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Ah yes, and Anita Hill has accused Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas of making “provocative sexual statements”; in turn Thomas has supposedly accused Hill of placing a pubic hair on his can of coke. I can’t stop laughing about the ludicrous pubic hair.

“Politiko is about very small people getting swept into very big events,” says Jason Patrick Rothery, who was prompted to write Politiko because he found the real-life story of David Brock, a conservative journalist in the 1990s, compelling. Brock, says Rothery, played an underappreciated if pivotal role in shaping the future.

“David Brock was very naïve. He was a 27 year-old closeted gay man who had only ever wanted to be accepted, and finds himself in the eye of a hurricane, struggling with his own sense of identity.”

“What was really interesting to me,” says Rothery “was that his actions had such a huge impact on the outcome of politics in the United States.”

Rothery also believes that the current circus theatrics in today’s political arena began with Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas:

“Politics in the US have become mean-spirited, consuming and derisive.”

This started after the Cold War, when the Americans no longer had a common enemy, and began turning inwards.
“I think this is a fascinating story on the danger of having a debate based on beliefs rather than facts,” says Rothery.

“Having two camps of people locked in their beliefs is a very dangerous thing.”

The play itself is a little like its writer: ambitious, witty and busy. Three of the four actors on stage play multiple characters. Although most are easily identifiable and distinguished through speech and dress, it isn’t always clear who they are and unfortunately, this can sometimes get a little confusing.

The play runs (ahem) a hair on the long side, but the performances are excellent. Geoffrey Ewert, whom last seen in platform heels and glitter eye shadow belting out tunes as Hedwig, is barely recognizable as Brock Oliphant, the very intense and surly defamer for the Conservative party.

Jordan Schartner also deserves props for his hilarious portrayal as a deliciously shifty and unapologetic “journalist” for a website on this new-fangled “Internet.”

My interest in politics runs hot and cold, depending on the topic and the day, and I am most engaged when I am talking to someone who knows their stuff and can present it to me in language that is both interesting and understandable. Both Rothery and his play manage this quite adeptly. Of course, when politics is merged with sex sandals, it’s easy to attract interest, but Politiko’s real success is to demonstrate that these sex scandals are anything but harmless.

Politiko runs until May 17th
For tickets and information, go here

Tattoo You?

Written for The New West

The main reason I have never had a tattoo despite spitballing about it since the grunge-days of my youth is because when I was 18, one of my friends got a rather large Kurt Cobain portrait tattooed on his back. Did I say large? Perhaps I should say massive. Fifteen years later, I regularly resist the urge to call him up and ask if he regrets it. Because really, how could he not?

Tattoos have come a long way since then. They hit the mainstream in the early ‘90s and their popularity has been rising ever since. No breaking news here, folks: tattoos are not just for bikers, outlaws and crazy roommates anymore. They have long since become the domain of the middle-class, educated and professional.

Wait, that’s me.

“You need a good job and money to get a decent tattoo,” says Doug Fink, owner of Bushido Tattoo & Piercing. Full-arm tattoos—known as sleeves—can take anywhere from 20 to 50 hours and cost in the neighborhood of $6000.




Given that I am a notorious non-committer and lover of the oxymoron, I was interested by recent talk surrounding permanent (yet removable) tattoo ink. This ink claims to “disappear” with one laser treatment should you change your mind any number of years down the road.

Fink just shakes his head. He really doesn’t see the point. Both he and fellow artist Shaun Hedley also seriously doubt the verity of its claims:

“It would take three different types of creams and a mini-sander over several months to remove a dime-sized tattoo,” says Hedley.

“It’s essentially dermal abrasion.”

Really, snorts Hedley, “who would want to sit around sanding their own skin?”

“If you are going to go through that much time, money, effort and pain to get a tattoo, adds Fink, “then why would you start the process if you weren’t going to want to keep it for the rest of your life?”



Fink clearly doesn’t do wishy-washy: “Our main goal here is to do permanent tattoos. If you don’t want a tattoo on your body for the rest of your life then don’t get one.”

If you are considering a tattoo, Fink’s advice is to do your homework. Most tattoo artists have portfolios. Find a style and artist that you like. If you don’t know them, then talk to someone whom they tattooed. Fink suggests taking your time and exhausting different possibilities for the design, size and placement of your tattoo.

Many artists book as many as 12 months in advance, so while waiting for your appointment, do as much research as possible.

Fink recommends knowing what you want, but trusting your artist:

“Not all artwork is transferable into a tattoo medium. Certain colouring and shading can’t be done,” Fink points out. So listen to the experts.
“We can tell you what will work best for size, symmetry and design, but I’m not going to tell you what kind of car to drive. So I’m also not going to tell you what kind of tattoo you should get.”



Fink also has a Go-Big-or-Go-Home philosophy. “Take your time and get something big and crazy. And then he adds, “Have faith in the tattoo artist and trust them. You are going to get the best tattoo that way. Let them do what they’re into at the time.”

Both Hedley and Fink agree that fewer people regret getting the big, wild tattoos because they have put their faith in the artists.

I wonder what their thoughts are on life-sized Kurt Cobain back portraits? Says Fink:

“Treat it as if you are only going to have one haircut or own one vehicle in your life.”

You can check out Bushido Tattoo at their new location at 218 17 Ave SE or visit
http://www.bushidotattoo.com/