Ah, Freelancing

Jen Larsen kicks ass. She hits the Freelance nail on the head in this article. And frankly, I could not have said it better myself, although in my defense, I only started this life, so I may not be quite as far gone.

YET.

Standard

Starting up my own business is a huge contextual leap for me. You may as well be asking me to perform open-heart surgery or change a windshield wiper. I need heaps of support and hand-holding from people I barely know. I am fundamentally ignorant about financial stuff and 'infrastructure' is this nebulous concept that I *kinda* understand...and yet suddenly, I find myself daily embroiled in intense conversations about cost and yield and passive income and, and, and...leverage.

In the last three days, I have also had three conversations with three different men and they have all essentially told me the same thing: I am grossly undervaluing myself. I wrote a book, and it was one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life. Not everyone thinks that writing books is easy. I can show them how, and then charge them for it. Essentially, the general message has been: I have a huge talent and if I want to get anywhere, I need to market that talent.

One of these men in what I am now going to start referring to as My Holy Trinity asked me:
“How much do you think it is worth to people to become published authors?”
I picked the most outrageous number I could think of:
‘I dunno—5,000 dollars?’
(Look who's being all grandiose and big-for-her-britches.)
He looked at me and said, “I paid close to $50,000 to write my book, have it edited and published.”

Silence.

"When all was said and done, I paid my editor close to $20,000."

I looked at him blinkingly.

Another of my HT did the math and showed me how much money my publishing company is earning from all of my hard work. I am not upset by this. My first book was an opportunity, a stepping stone and I would have done it for free. It is also one of the greatest pieces of leverage I have. (There's that word again.)

Then he said that if I didn't negotiate a better deal for myself for my next book, that he and I could no longer be friends. I kind of thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. His reasoning is as follows: The more we as creators or artists or musicians undervalue ourselves, the more we are giving permission for that to be alright. We are setting the Standard. So we have got a responsibility to come to the table believing and understanding at the very core of our being that what we do and who we are has value.

I have also been thinking too small. I mean, I thought I was being audacious by charging people $100 for a one-hour initial consultation fee. I am now realizing that if I repeated the exact same thing that I did on my own for my own book for other people that I could charge them twenty times that price. I could actually charge someone $20,000 to edit a manuscript. Twenty thousand. I am still trying to wrap my head around that figure.

There is this great quote about business from the book "The Trick to Money is Having Some" by Stuart Weil, which I think may become by Gold Standard: “Do what you love and this will raise your Vibration. Through your raised vibration, you will attract people. When they show up, bill them.”

Look Out World

Karen Rowe the Small, as you know her, is gone.

Look out for my Big Self. And no, I don't mean that to be self-depricating. I mean that I am done getting in my own way. I mean that any part of me that was mousy or scared or living in fear has been banished. I mean that I know what I want and I am going to damn well stand up and ask for it. And get it. And expect nothing less.

I am starting up my own business and hatching a plan for World Domination via the Written World. I am going to write and more importantly, I am going to help you write. I am aligning myself with people who are interested in creating unique, fun, entertaining social experiments, who are ass-kickingly inspiring and all about creative outlets for storytelling and general industry trailblazing.

Get writing and get other people writing: that's what I want to do when I grow up, Ma.

Stay Tuned.

Airline Attitude Adjustment

Also available on the Calgary Herald Q

This Holiday Season, Air Canada received a record-number of complaints: 200 for the month of December alone. Usually, the Consumers Association of Canada only receives two or three. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that there was also a record-number of flights. Or, oh I don’t know: record snowfalls completely beyond the airline’s control.

I completely agree that the company has got to get its act together and work toward improved customer service, but doesn’t every company? The System is flawed. Show me a System that isn’t. Are we really going to get into a debate about the decline of standards in Western civilization? Are we really going to have the "I remember back in the day when customer service used to count for something" argument? Oh, and I used to have to walk to school, up a hill, through the snow, both ways. It leaves me wondering if consumers across the board have an over-inflated sense of entitlement. Maybe the consumers are the ones who need an attitude adjustment.

Personally I believe that most North Americans take air travel for granted. Rather than treating it as a privilege and a luxury, it is broached more as some sort of God-given right. Most of us have the means and the opportunity to go anywhere in this world with a little planning, foresight and ingenuity. It took Christopher Columbus six weeks to make it to the Dominican Republic: we can get there in six hours. We can FLY from Calgary to Vancouver for three hundred bucks, and it takes a little over an hour. I realize that it’s easy to lose sight of this ‘gift’ amidst the hassle of cancelled flights, long security lines, lost luggage and disgruntled customs officials, but if you prefer to drive, then by all means do so.

When it comes right down to it, Air Canada is a business. It is trying to keep up with a competitive market, skyrocketing prices in a failing economy, servicing clients who expect First Class Service on a Coach Budget. Now I know that expecting the bare minimum of service—that your flight leave on time and plant you safely at your destination with the luggage you showed up with—is not an unreasonable request.

Except that it maybe it is.

Each day in the United States, about 1.8 million people travel on thirty thousand flights from approximately 450 commercial airports. At any given minute during daylight hours, between six thousand and seven thousand aircrafts are in the skies over North America.* In 2006, the total number of passengers at Canadian airports exceeded the 100 million mark and Calgary International Airport itself services nearly 150,000 flights in and out of its tarmac annually. That’s more than 11 million passengers on domestic flights alone and in excess of 17 million including international and trans-border flights in and out of Calgary.

*Ref: "Smile When You're Lying" by Chuck Thompson.

It is inevitable that luggage is going to be lost in this gigantic beehive, flights delayed, weather inclement and customer service attendants cranky. Over the Holiday Season, the number of flights double. Add to that our snowiest Christmas in years and what you have, Ladies and Gentleman, is both a recipe for disaster and an invitation to stay on your couch.

Vowing to never again set foot on another Air Canada plane is obviously unrealistic. Most of us, whether we want to or not, will eventually have to bite the bullet. Does this mean that we need to lower our expectations? Not necessarily.

But maybe it’s time that our expectations become more in line with the modern-day reality of air travel. Maybe a little more respect is merited for the mechanics required to get this massive and largely invisible show on the road. It’s a pain in the ass. So deal with it. And when you get to Mumbai or Frankfurt or Sydney, be sure to send me a postcard about how much Air Canada sucks.

Get Back To Work

TODAY'S LITTLE GEM:
Ok, first of all, did you know that Elizabeth Gilbert used to work at SPIN magazine?! Like she wasn't, you know, cool enough already. Secondly, and more shockingly, fair readers, did you know that she wrote a memoir for GQ about her bartending years in a lowdown East Village dive which became...are you with me..."Coyote Ugly."

I may be the last person on the planet to have known that.

Crazy. Quirky, Unlikely.

And you're welcome.


But that's not why I'm here. No, I'm here because my Guru and imaginary best friend, Ms. Gilbert has a few thoughts on writing. Being that she knows a thing or two about it, thought I'd share:

Discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” Continuing to write after that heartache of disappointment doesn’t take only discipline, but also self-forgiveness (which comes from a place of kind and encouraging and motherly love). The other thing to realize is that all writers think they suck. When I was writing “Eat, Pray, Love”, I had just as a strong a mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head as anyone does when they write anything. But I had a clarion moment of truth during the process of that book. One day, when I was agonizing over how utterly bad my writing felt, I realized: “That’s actually not my problem.” The point I realized was this – I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write. So I put my head down and sweated through it, as per my vows.

I have a friend who’s an Italian filmmaker of great artistic sensibility. After years of struggling to get his films made, he sent an anguished letter to his hero, the brilliant (and perhaps half-insane) German filmmaker Werner Herzog. My friend complained about how difficult it is these days to be an independent filmmaker, how hard it is to find government arts grants, how the audiences have all been ruined by Hollywood and how the world has lost its taste…etc, etc. Herzog wrote back a personal letter to my friend that essentially ran along these lines: “Quit your complaining. It’s not the world’s fault that you wanted to be an artist. It’s not the world’s job to enjoy the films you make, and it’s certainly not the world’s obligation to pay for your dreams. Nobody wants to hear it. Steal a camera if you have to, but stop whining and get back to work.” I repeat those words back to myself whenever I start to feel resentful, entitled, competitive or unappreciated with regard to my writing: “It’s not the world’s fault that you want to be an artist…now get back to work.” Always, at the end of the day, the important thing is only and always that: Get back to work. This is a path for the courageous and the faithful. You must find another reason to work, other than the desire for success or recognition. It must come from another place.

[...]

In the end, I love this work. I have always loved this work. My suggestion is that you start with the love and then work very hard and try to let go of the results. Cast out your will, and then cut the line. Please try, also, not to go totally freaking insane in the process. Insanity is a very tempting path for artists, but we don’t need any more of that in the world at the moment, so please resist your call to insanity. We need more creation, not more destruction. We need our artists more than ever, and we need them to be stable, steadfast, honorable and brave – they are our soldiers, our hope. If you decide to write, then you must do it, as Balzac said, “like a miner buried under a fallen roof.” Become a knight, a force of diligence and faith. I don’t know how else to do it except that way. As the great poet Jack Gilbert said once to young writer, when she asked him for advice about her own poems: “Do you have the courage to bring forth this work? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say YES.”

Spruce Meadows

Written for Opulence Magazine, October/November 2008 issue

“It’s not often that people have enough money to make their dreams come true.”

Jane Beveridge and I are tooling around the Spruce Meadows Grounds in a golf cart. A volunteer for the past 19 years, Beveridge is graciously sparing me the 360-Acre walk around the Grounds. I know next to nothing about Spruce Meadows and even less about horses, so I am glad not to be on foot; even gladder for my knowledgeable and chatty host.

Beveridge is one of Spruce Meadows’ 500 volunteers and is telling me about Ron and Marg Southern, who started Spruce Meadows more than 30 years ago.

“Both daughters were great riders,” says Beveridge, “but they would never get chosen for a Canadian team because they were from the West.”

So the Southerns did what any forward-thinking entrepreneurial Albertan with a few extra million would do: they built their own show-jumping facility.

“From there, they have developed a great group of riders, “adds Beveridge prior to my drop-off at the International Ring.

In fact, Spruce Meadows has grown into the premier equestrian venue of its kind in North America. In 2008, Spruce Meadows will be awarding $6.2 Million in total prize money and even has its own television broadcast. Annual attendance to the grounds exceeds 450 000 people, so I’m not sure how it has come to pass that in my six years in Calgary, I have never been one of them.

It is a bright summer afternoon and the $1 million North American Championship is on its final day. This is also the last of five tournaments which make up the Summer Tour and word has it that the championship will be determined today by the legendary Chrysler Classic Derby.

There are so many things to see and so much to try and absorb. Wild things are being said which make absolutely no sense to me, such as “Look at this Horse; he’s on the muscle.”

Luckily, some crib notes have been provided which explain some show jumping lingo. I am reading up on clear rounds, take-offs and knockdowns; I am perusing rider biographies, getting a handle on the varying types of competitions and skimming the notes on different kinds of jumps. I am so busy, in fact, that I am almost missing the event. The lady sitting behind me knows all the ranks and horses by heart and the finals are already in full-swing by the time I become versed on the essentials of horse jumping.
The audience is rapt when Quebecer Mario Deslauriers, the last rider of the competition, rides without incurring any jumping faults. Later I find out that multiple clears are very rare in the Chrysler Cup, happening only five times in its history.
This great round creates a jump-off with Calgarian John Anderson. This means that two horses have equal faults and the tie for first place must be broken. The horse and the rider ride a shortened course and the winner is the horse/rider with the fewest faults and the shortest time.

I am just getting everything figured out when the Championship is over and Anderson is crowned winner.

Spruce Meadows is an impressive patch of grass and is about more than just the competitions. There are also pony rides, a playground, an exhibition hall, a chapel, a Festival Stage and much more, none of which I would have had time to see were it not for Beveridge and her golf cart. For this city-dwelling neophyte, it felt like a great escape and a rather lovely day in the countryside.

Leave Me Alone, I Need You

The following quote comes from Today, Paris, a blog that makes my writing endeavours look like a Grade 1 finger-paint project:

"And the part of me that made the New Year's Resolution about spending more time with humans is locked in mortal combat with the part of me that believes that people are a serious liability to a fairly satisfying hermetically sealed existence."

This quote is very much in line with something I have been chewing on since I read the following tid-bit in my New Year's horoscope: "You don't mind being alone. Thus, if you were ever cast on a deserted island, you would people the place all on your own, and there would never be any crime, untidiness or arguments. Problems arise when other people are involved." It goes on to say that I also do well in social settings and am charming, good to know and full of ideas that 'really have legs.' Now, though the word 'charming' can be left up for interpretation (charming with a twist of sarcasm?)and as much as that made me chuckle, the problem is that I don't live on a Desert Island.

Anyway, the whole hermetically-sealed existence thing made me both laugh and feel immesurably satisfied all in the same breath.

Love Triangle

It was the end of September and I was on the home stretch of my book. I was doing some research on the symbolism of some Valentine's Day superstitions when I came across this:


I knew as soon as I saw it that this was going to be my tattoo.

As I tell more and more people about this, I've found that trying to explain exactly what it is I am getting has proven challenging. Answering 'an inverted blue and green triangle' just makes it seem really lame.

So here it is for all to see with an explanation to boot:

Triangle: In Ancient Egypt the Triangle was seen as a symbol of intelligence and indicated the capacity for love. The triangle is a prime element of the Buddhist Shri Yantra mandala encourages the invocation of love energy to achieve ascended states of consciousness and union with the divine. The Triangle also deals with the love represented in the mother, father, child union as well as the holy trinity. An inverted triangle symbolizes a vessel in which love is poured or carried.

So there you go. Next time around, I'm looking at this one:


Durga Yantra:
Durga was created as a warrior goddess to fight the demon Mahisashur who could not be defeated by god or man. Allegorically, she slays the damaging misconceptions we hold, offering us clarity of mind and spirit. The Durga Yantra assists in the focus upon the qualities of Durga, facilitating strength, feminine energy, creative consciousness.

Crazy Talk

I feel like December chewed me up and spit me out the other end. Man, that was intense.

This is going to sound really wacky and out there and even--dare I say it--a little ridiculous: I carry rocks around in my pocket.

Yep. That's what I said. Rocks. I have Serpentine and Blue Topaz; Red Tiger's Eye and Rhodochrosite; Tiger Iron and Lapis Lazuli. There is some Citrine and Rose Quartz, Cluster Quartz and Black Onyx down my pants and Bloodstone and Mookaite, too. Not all at once, of course. I pick my stones for the day depending on what I'm doing, the things I'm struggling with, or the goals I am trying to accomplish. And each one has different symbolism and different intentions. Anything from creating and allowing abundance, to redirecting energy, to helping me feel safe, establishing boundaries, loving unconditionally, accepting change and improving communication. And sometimes, if things are really bad, I put them in my bra. I know it sounds crazy, but you know what, I think an essential component to a happy life is letting a little of the crazy leak out every once in a while.

I am not necessarily convinced that they work; but I'm not convinced that they don't work, either. For the most part, I take the stance that they aren't hurting anyone, so where's the harm? There is some sort of ceremony you can do with them, involving placing them on various different chakras on the body or holding them in the palms of your hand while you meditate. I mostly just shove them in my knickers or my purse with a shrug and a chuckle of the if-my-friends-could-see-me-now variety.

This all sounds very good, doesn't it? A little wacky, yes. But mostly progressive? Yeah, well, let me just say that sometimes it pays to be careful what you wish for. The interesting part about the rocks is that I feel like I have been asking for it. I don't know what that 'it' was, but I know that it was intense.

Here's the interesting bit: I have had more heart-to-heart conversations and State-of-the-Union type talks with my friends and family in the month of December than in the previous year combined.


So in my attempts to let go and accept change and not control outcome, I have found that some crazy things are happening. Like fluid events and change and uncontrollable outcomes.

This is all for the greater good, of course. Isn't there some fabulous quote about an unexamined life being not worth living. Or something? Yep. It is healthy and denotes progress and love and...it.is.fucking.exhausting.

I'm serious. I'm exhausted.

Sometimes I think it is just easier to live on an island and be misunderstood. I am fortunate to have people in my life who understand me no matter what I say or do, but I have equally as many people who seem to misunderstand me regardless of what I say or do.* I guess that's life. I just find it interesting that the rocks, maybe, are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. It's just not what I thought. Which is the great lesson in my life in general. Nothing ever looks how I think it is going to.

For example, Blue Topaz "aids verbalization and assists in seeing the scripts you have been living by and recognize where you have strayed from your own truth." This sounds all great and oh yeah, I wanna work on that. Except that it has meant hours and HOURS of conversation. And sometimes that can feel like banging my head against a brick wall. Sometimes I just want to turn around and go back from where I came. Except that, no I don't; It's just seems easier that way.

I rather suspect that all this talking will result in strengthened relationships and easier communication. Eventually. I've no doubt. But for right now, not another word. Right now I am seriously feeling the need to jump down the rabbit hole and live in a sensory deprivation tank for a couple of days.

Oh, but wait: I had better be careful what I wish for; I have a book to start.

(*And for those of you who feel like you fall in this category, it doesn't mean that I don't love you or that I haven't enjoyed the conversations.)

Great New Year's Quotes

For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
~Mark Twain

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions. ~Joey Adams

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.
~W.H. Auden

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.
~Ellen Goodman

For This New Year

A note from my spiritual guru:

"Emerson wrote an essay on Circles, which is considered one of his most important statements on the experience of a personal lifetime. Everything is part of a circuit that begins with us and returns to us. What we are projecting comes back to us instantly, as a mirror-like reflection. That which we give with ease and joy returns to us multiplied and enhanced. Those habitual worries and fears gather momentum and bring their friends home to us in the middle of the night.


Like an electrical current running through any system, our personal way of being is not only conducting energy, it is circulating it in the immediate field of our body. Good health is a sign that the system is running smoothly. Money has a way of multiplying itself as we circulate it in our world with the clear awareness that we are part of a vast circuitry of ever renewing substance.

A personal vision for how we choose to live contains ideas which germinate and grow, giving us even more inspiration.

We are an activity of self expression and if we are closed off and withholding, our lives tend to shift down into a very low grade existence. The principle is simple: Our world does not contain that which we are not giving into it. We are like seed sowers, who expect a crop because they have been out there working the fields and planting the possibility.

Let’s make this a year of heightened awareness of our part in creating our own Good."

Carol Carnes