My Motherboard, My Self

I have a boyfriend. I’d like to introduce you: His name is Max. As an Editor’s Note to yesterday’s post about Tori Amos: She may have my back, but does she have my files backed up? I decided to take the fact that I had been listening to that song repeatedly...ad nauseum...to DEATH as a perhaps. SIGN? Yes, I would say a SIGN that I need to BACK UP MY BOOK FILES. I had some ridiculous system for my last book involving saving onto USB sticks and emailing a copy of my manuscript to myself every night before I went to bed. Frankly, it was an exhausting relationship which was doomed to failure. And anyway, his mom never liked me.

We have already had one computer crash on us this year and have had to purchase a new motherboard. Do I really need to go through the prospect of losing every picture I have taken in the last 5 years as well? Do I need to think what would happen if...someone stole the laptop? or it broke? or we had a virus?...or any of the million other things that could possibly go wrong?

No I do not.

Also, I know that none of us have forgotten that horrifying Sex & the City episode when Carrie’s computer crashes and she loses her WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.

No we have not.

And since there is no Aiden Shaw/John Corbett in my corner to back me up, I will settle for now with Max, or as his parents like to call him, Maxtor One Touch Plus.

I would also like credit a) for knowing what an external hard drive is. b) for figuring out how to actually back the files up and c) for actually owning a hard drive in the first place. I mean, it’s in my home. It took us more than a year to buy a replacement vacuum. I am usually one of those people who thinks that things like lost files happen to “other authors.” An external hard drive? That’s HUGE. And I'm saying it like I've always known what it was. Lookit me with all the fancy lingo. I would like a round of applause for being a girl with the proper equipment. It’s okay: I can see you from here.

P.S. Dear Diary-He's bigger than any others I've ever seen!

P.P.S They don’t call him Hard Drive for nothin’!

People Who Shouldn't Wear Hats

Princess Caroline of Monaco


Hell's Angels Biker Chick a.k.a: J-Lo


The gang from highschool Musical


Justin Timberlake, pop star or cancer patient?


James Taylor, backwards hats won't win you a younger or hipper demographic


Kiera Knightly, the hat won't make you a better or less annoying actress.


I didn't think it was possible to make Keith Richards look any more ridiculous. Clearly, I was wrong.
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You *Knew* I Would Get Around to it Eventually...

Look what I found:

The Top 14 Movies About Necrophilia

14. Driving Miss Pushing Up Daisies

13. Some Like It Cold

12. Peggy Sue Got Buried

11. People to Do in Denver Who are Dead

10. Sex, Flies and Videotape

9. Lifeless in Seattle

8. The Right Stiff

7. Dr. Jekyll and Miss Formaldehyde

6. How Stella Got Her Grave Back

5. Four Beddings at a Funeral

4. The Corpse Whisperer

3. CASketball

2. Waiting to Exhume

and Top5's Number 1 Movie About Necrophilia...

1. Blue Vulva

Soylent Green (it’s made of people)

So here I am looking up films about chocolate. There are lists by subject in alphabetical order. I scroll past the following and am disturbed that there are only THREE films about chocolate, but…EIGHT…about cannibalism?!


Cannibalism:
Alive (Action)
Delicatessen (Action)
Eating Raoul (Horror)
How Tasty Is My Little Frenchman (Horror)
The Legend of Alfred Packer (Action)
Soylent Green (Action)
Sweeney Todd (Horror)
The Silence Of The Lambs (Horror)

And it leaves me wondering, how tasty *is* your little Frenchman?

It also makes me want to look up other subjects. Like Necrophilia. But you know, I have a book to write.

Bonhomme Sighting: Bigger than Loch Ness

Oh yes, folks. It is the long-awaited sighting. You may never watch a video more hysterical than this one. I have never been more earnest or excited about anything in my entire life. Watch my eyes. Laurel says I have "Christmas morning eyes." We have watched this video AT LEAST fifteen times already and can't stop laughing. You would think I was meeting a Presidential Candidate or Nelson Mandela or something. Nope. Bonhomme.

I mean, talk about unbridled enthusiasm.

Also, I may be mildly intoxicated.