'Maybe' is Wasting Your Time

There's nothing sadder than the death of a fledging relationship. Except maybe spilling the last slice of chocolate cake onto the carpet.

As I look back at my string of men this year, I can't help but shake my head and shrug my shoulders. Let's see, there was the Type-A 50 year-old engineer with the PHD but no time for a social life...the hapless, tooth-grinned mechanic with the bad hair and the giving nature whose number I forgot to ask for...the undeniably tortured 41 year-old teacher whom I should have stayed very far away from...and most recently, the 28 year-old hottie with much to offer, but nothing to give. My, oh my. What a gamut. You could not find four men with less in common if you tried. Sometimes I picture all four of them sitting in a room together trying to have a conversation. ha! What would they even talk about? Impotence, maybe? or PT Cruisers.

But what do they all have in common? Well, basically, they are all fucked up. Cumulatively, they've taught me that men are as equally confused, ambiguous, and lost as all the women out there. My lifetime spent thinking that I was not good enough...not thin enough...not pretty enough to deserve better or more...an eternity believing that the breakup was due to some mistake that I had made; hours wasted rehashing in my mind every minute detail of every interaction with every male I have ever had in my entire life...Wondering...Searching...searching...wishing...IF ONLY. If only I had said this...if only I had done that...what did he mean by this? Why did he say that? What if...what if...what if?! Maybe he'll call. Maybe things will be different. Maybe he'll change. Well, you know what? Maybe will never come. Maybe is wasting your time. Maybe has left on vacation.

The very first thing I ever learned about men was that you cannot change them. You can choose either to love them as they are or leave them. Hence the reason I am single at 31. And I'm not saying that men are incapable of change; of course they are. But it cannot be at your behest. And trying to plan a life, a future around the hope that MAYBE things will be different tomorrow, next week, after he gets his promotion, once he gets a good night's sleep, next year, later on, once we get married...then you are wasting you time. And honey, you deserve better. Which brings me to the point of this entry, which is that I have only just recently learned the second most important thing about men: (Pay attention ladies!) IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!

I have spent the last several days feeling like I have uncovered the greatest secret in the world. It's not about me! Men will do as they please, regardless of what you do, say or how you react in certain situations. It doesn't matter if they are engineers or mechanics, black or white, young or old, if he likes you, you'll know. And if he doesn't, well so what? Being armed with this new realization has made me feel like no man will ever be able to hurt me again. And that, my friends, is true freedom and true power.

So stop over-analyzing and stop letting him monopolize all of that brain power. I can guarantee he's not giving YOU that much thought, so use that energy towards something more productive and more positive. Like baking another cake. There are things to be done and much more cake to be eaten!

Listen to these today:
Don't let him waste your time, Nancy Sinatra.
April Fools, Rufus Wainwright
I believe in the Good of Life, The Hidden Cameras
Move Over, Janis Joplin
Love on the Rocks With No Ice, The Darkness

Bottoms up,
k.