Slag Tags Be Gone!

Okay, so without going into too much detail and without actually revealing how utterly mortified I am, I have an embarrassingly large number of hickies on my neck. Although having threatened the culprit responsible with a fate worse than death if he ever does anything like that again, I am still stuck with the onerous task of covering up these horrible and offending ‘slag tags.’ So, where else is a gal going to look but to the ever-reliable INTERNET! What I found was likely the most useless advice I have ever been given, however has had me laughing all week. Obviously, written for 13 year-olds, who are probably the only ones other than me to ever actually HAVE to deal with this problem…the solutions seem messy, sloppy and downright painful! Or so obvious that I can’t even believe they wrote them down. So far, haven’t tried the ‘curling iron’ excuse yet, but you never know! Anyways, take delight in my white trash problem. #4 is my favourite! And best advice ever? definitely#7!

How To Get Rid Of A Hickie
1. Try the comb method. It’s important to remember that a hickey is a bruise, and most bruises just take time to disappear, so don’t expect a miracle.
2. Using any tubular object with a domed end, apply steady pressure over the hickey and twist. It will hurt, but it will help. Lipstick caps, pen caps, and blistex caps work. The goal is to work the blood deeper into the skin.
3. Apply a layer of toothpaste to the hickey. The toothpaste will stop tingling in a few minutes, when it does remove the toothpaste with a warm washcloth. The peppermint stimulates circulation helping to break down the clot.
4. Make the hickey worse - if you use a curling iron, have your ‘friend’ reshape the hickey to match the pattern that it would make if you had burned yourself accidentally. This can work with any likely burn or bruise scenario.
5. Apply a warm, moist, used tea-bag as a hot compress. Repeatedly re-wet and re-warm it as needed until the hickey disappears.
6. Conceal the hickey with makeup. The most effective makeup will be the green-tinted concealer, as it is designed to negate red skin tones..
7. Utilize turtleneck sweaters or scarves cover it up (weather-appropriate, of course!)

8. Use a coin. This method is probably the most painful, but has proven VERY effective. First, stretch the skin flat (pulling away from the hickey on two opposite sides works well for this). Then, use the edge of a large coin to scrape the skin. Use the coin as if the red area of the skin was butter on toast that needed to be spread outward. The only difference is that you must press quite HARD (do it as hard as you can, but not so hard that you break the skin or cause bleeding). What this does is push the excess blood, which has escaped from the capillaries, out of the surface skin. There will be redness from the scraping of the coin, but that will go away much faster than the hickey. And in any case, a scrape is much less conspicuous than a hickey.
9. Put a spoon in the freezer for a few minutes. Apply pressure and slide the spoon along the hickey. The pressure and coldness help disperse the blood that has formed. You will need to repeat freezing, if the spoon starts getting warm it does not work. You will also need to use quite a bit of pressure with the spoon but you will see results over a few minutes of doing this.
Warnings
If someone suggests a hickey "cure" that sounds dangerous or stupid, don't try it. Use common sense; a hickey really isn't a big deal.
Tips
1. In the future, get and give hickeys where they won't be easily found -- or don't get one at all!

2. If someone notices your hickey, play it off. The excuse of the "curling iron burn" is a common one, but it doesn't work because a burn and a bruise look nothing alike. Try a different excuse, one that would cause a bruise. Explain that you got hit with a ping-pong ball or some other projectile. People probably won’t believe you, but at least it’s plausible.

All of this useless information was found on howtogetridofstuff.com. Also found on this site was advice on getting rid of love handles, man boobs and genital warts. Well, it's Parent-Teacher Interviews tonight! Wish me and my turtleneck good luck!