East Coulee Musings

A few thoughts penned during my time away:


THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2008

4:04 pm

It smells like Lloydminster here. It’s like a moldy, rusty, farm smell. It never smelled like this at *my* house, of course but I remember going out to my friend’s farm house when I was in elementary school and being *really* surprised to discover for the first time that not everybody lived like we did. This girl who had been my best friend was POOR. And worse, she was a poor farmer. Her dad was crass and belchy and dirty and well, he scared the crap out of me. This didn’t diminish my fondness for my friend; I was just shocked and scared and spent the whole night wanting to go home. I cried myself to sleep that night and don’t remember ever going back to her house again. That was the end of my farmhouse sleepover days.

In any case, that’s what it smells like here--Julie’s house.

That being said, this feels more like me than anything I’ve ever done. Yes, I’m out in the middle of nowhere…in the badlands…in a town of 300 people where I really don‘t belong; yet strangely, I belong here more than I ever did in the classroom. Without ever realizing it, I have spent the last six years of my life feeling like a fraud.

I am stepping into my own and feeling deep in my bones that yes! this is what it is I’m meant to be doing. I’ve never felt more complete, more like myself or more centred, calm and focused. And mostly I am grateful for having discovered this truth about myself relatively early on in my life. Thank God I didn’t waste 20 more years of my life decaying in a classroom. I’m sure your children are thanking me.

There is a portable CD player here which the owners have left behind and some speakers, for which I am ridiculously grateful! My ipod, which was freshly loaded with a bundle of new songs isn’t working! I have some CDs in the car, so I am so glad for some musack. And have one of my favourite Craig compilations on the go. Unfortunately, I have forgotten the mouse for the laptop, which isn’t the end of the world, but you know, just would have made things a little easier. Anyhow, there are worse things I could have forgotten, like water. I remembered just at the last minute that the water--though potable--is orange-coloured from the iron, and not that tasty. Stopped to pick up a 10L jug on my way out of Drumheller. I also caved in and stopped at the liquor store. I have a 6-pack of Corona and a beautiful bottle of Shiraz. You know, in case of emergency.

Otherwise, it’s very quiet out here. And peaceful. It’s going to take some getting used to. I might be a convert to the small-town yet.

6:08 pm

Um. So the one thing about being out here: there really is no getting away from the writing. Feel like distracting myself? uh. Yeah. There’s nothing. So I wander around the house or yard until I get bored enough that I give in and figure, ‘well, may as well get back to it.’

I really wish I had remembered the mouse.

Did I mention? No cell phone reception out here either. And uh, oh yeah. No running water.

Saturday, Septmeber 6
1:32 pm We have water! And it smells like rotten eggs.

Sunday, September I-have-no-idea-what-the-date-is.

2:51 pm

I just wrote: By the latte-half of the 18th Century…

Can you guess where my brain is?

Incidentally, I started at 1000BC. So the fact that I am now up to the 1800s is a couple thousand years’ worth of progress in just a few short days.

*sigh*

Back atter.

10:48 pm. I am writing my chapter on chocolate and sex and I don’t think it’s fair that I am having neither.

Monday, Setember whatever it is.
10: 15--It’s amazing how far 4 beers can go in soothing one wicked case of cabin fever. That and the decision to get the eff out of Dodge. I have typed so much over the last 6 days that I actually have sore knuckles. I have carpel knuckle.

So, how much of an idiot am I? I just realized that I could have been playing my CDs FROM MY LAPTOP. This whole time. Picture me holding up a giant ‘L’ on my forehead. Right now. Listening to music through shitty speakers that make the sound all tinny and distorted. Instead of listening to it through my *brand new*, state of the art laptop. Nice. Winner.

10:31-- And yeah, I just reread all that bullshit that I wrote on the first day about me being a convert to the small town yet. Yeah. That was crazy talk. Crazy bullshit talk. Who’s a big talker THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES into her trip? Well, lemme tell you--from the six-day veteran’s point of view, I am going fucking batty out here. What the fuck do people do?!?! I mean, I’m writing a BOOK and I’m bored. I am working my ass off out here--still bored. You can’t write 24 hours a day, for God’s sake. And who the eff lives without cell phone reception and bloody HIGH SPEED INTERNET?! Like seriously, where am I? Guatemala? Oh no, wait. If I was in Guatemala, I would have high-speed Internet. I don’t even understand how it’s possible to be in Alberta and be completely cut off from the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD. Ya. Small towns? Not for me. Which of course, I already knew since I grew up in one. I guess I just need the reminder every--oh 15 years or so.

That being said, the writing has been going awesome. Got a lot accomplished. Because there’s nothing else to do.

Last night, I was so desperate for some human contact, that I got in my car and drove 5 kms up the road to a place where there was cell phone reception to ‘reach out and touch someone.’ Seriously. I needed to talk to somebody. I’m staring to act like a crazy person. Sayin’ things out loud to myself, talking, swearing, readin’ passages of my book to the empty room…You do what ya gotta.

Would it have killed me to bring a DVD out here with me? Now that I figured out the whole cee-dee thing, I realized that I probably could have watched a movie on this thing as well. Huh. If my ipod was working, I could probably plug that in too.

I just saw these two quotes and they made me laugh:

**If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
**I’m looking for a kind, understanding man. Is that too much to ask for in a millionaire?

11:36. I’m on my fifth beer. Should I be concerned? Aw, this place aint so bad. I can’t believe I even *considered* coming here without alcoholic reinforcements. What was I thinking? So, I just wrote my dedication and acknowledgements for the book, so technically, I am still working. Mental note* Don’t do this when drunk. It’s wordy and overly-sentimental. I practically thanked everyone right down to my First Grade teacher and the guys who pick up my garbage.

I am excited because when I get up, I CAN LEAVE.

11:51 I think Arthur Ganong is scary lookin’

12:08 am. I feel sick.