CHURCH

So, I went to church on Sunday. Why, you ask? Because I could. Because I haven’t been for twenty years and because it is so far out of the realm of my comfort that I absolutely had to try it.

I was endeavoring to go with an open mind and I really don’t know what I was expecting. I think part of me was half-expecting to be completely shocked with how progressive and open-minded the Christian church had become. Part of me was fearful that I would actually *enjoy* it. Part of me was wondering and yes, maybe even hoping?... that I had been wrong all these years, and was so wrapped up in my own righteousness that I had been completely missing out on a warm, positive energy, and a sense of belonging and community.

Um. Yeah, no.

First of all the church was GIGANTIC. And did I say church? It was more like a theatre. It sat 2000 people and was one of three Sunday services. It was like a prayer mill. I am reluctant to be invited into someone else’s world and then completely trash it, but that is exactly what I am going to do. I would say this particular church borders on the evangelical. The sermon is TELEVISED and so elaborate and slick that I instantaneously mistrusted it. There were several different chapels---one for parents with screaming kids and another for worshippers with special needs. There was also a restaurant, right in the church, a 30-foot waterfall for baptisms, and movies during the sermon. I mean, I felt like I was at the mall. After the sermon, I could swing by the Banana Republic and pick up that sweater I’ve had my eye on, buy a falafel and then head to the IKEA for some affordable shelving. It was just all so surreal.

I picked this church, by the way, because my friend L goes there. And you know how you walk into a place and you either just feel like you belong or you don’t? I felt like I was on a spaceship.

It was all just too much for me. I mean, were we at the Jubilee Auditorium? Was the cast of “Rent” going to come out after and put on a performance? Comfortable seats, though.

And the sermon? *Sigh* A little too old school for me. The pastor is doing a 9-part series on the Old Testament! The Old Testament?! Really?! Why is that even still around? He was up to Part 6. And he talked about Polygamy(?!) Oh, I’m sorry—did I wake up in Salt Lake City? Is this a Mormon church? Polygamy?! Like is this really a present-day issue which needs to be addressed? Talk about forgiveness, I’m listening; Adultery, trust, compassion, kindness, love: oh, you so have my attention. But polygamy?! So he’s telling the story of Hannah and Peninnah, who were both married to Elkanah. And every time he said her name, I thought: “Oooh, I could sure go for some ham and melted cheese in crusty bread. Panini.”

Is it considered gauche to text in church?

Hannah was upset because they had no children. She therefore prayed earnestly for a male child whom she promised to dedicate to the Lord. And guess what? She got a child. Which just goes to show you the importance of prayer. Just pray. Pray, pray, pray. If your prayers aren’t answered right away, keep praying. And then at the end of the sermon, the pastor lead the entire congregation in a group prayer. It was too much for me.

The sermon was also very geared towards family and specifically, men: how to be a good father/husband/leader. So, not much for a single gal to hang onto. I couldn't relate. But I’m sure if he was to address the single ladies out there, he would instruct us to pray. Pray for a man. If your prayers aren’t answered, pray some more.

It's all just so damned manipulative. And I can't escape that feeling that my uncle is touching me inappropriately.

Personally, I am looking for a sense of community: good, positive energy and a feeling of connection with humanity. But what I realized is that I DON'T need to be saved, and I don't feel the need to hand my life over to God. And really, I don't need the Bible to be the moral compass in my life by which I make all my decisions. I don't happen to think of myself as a sinner, and if or when I do, it's a badge I proudly wear with honour. Yep, I'd even go so far as to say that I enjoy sinning.

I also don't like their view on gays, their position is that they are facing 'same-gender attraction issues'. Cmon. I guess I just didn't find them as progressive as I was hoping. And the community that I want to belong to will include ALL TYPES of people. Yes, even the homosexuals.

I relate easier to believing that the Universe is a large energy force that wants good things for me. I understand that I can substitute 'God' for 'the Universe' in that last sentence and it's all just a question of semantics, but the truth is, I don't think organized religion is for me. I may not need church to feel a sense of community. All the same, next week, I am going to try the Centre for Positive Living, and see if that is more my style. The week after next: maybe Buddhism?

It was interesting and fascinating and totally not for me. And I don’t know if I am feeling more relieved or disappointed about that.

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