Bad Date Stories

A friend of mine knows someone who is publishing a book of Worst Date Stories. Sadly, the toughest part about this assignment was deciding which Bad Date I would pick. Most of you have heard this one before, but here is my submission:

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About two years ago, I went on a first date with a man who seemed quite promising. I worked days and he worked nights and weekends. After weeks of trying to coordinate our busy schedules, we finally managed to settle on a night that worked for both of us.

He showed up at my door in a stretch limousine! Was he trying to impress me? Sadly, no. He was, it turns out, a limousine driver and was squeezing me in between clients. Needless to say, it was the last thing I was expecting to see when I walked out my front door. I was already starting to second-guess my decision to venture out on this cold winter’s night when I realized that there was actually no room for a passenger because he had so many papers and business files in the front seat. So I had to sit in the back. Of the limo. So I’m way in the rear trying to carry on a stilted conversation with him, sliding around on the faux-leather seats yelling up at him through the little window.

We had agreed to go for coffee, but arriving at a Tim Horton’s parking lot in a stretch limo is awkward and embarrassing. Definitely not the tone to be set for a first date. Because of our conflicting schedules, we couldn’t get together until 9:30 at night, so it was way too late for me to have a coffee. He decided that he didn’t want one either. For our “date” we ending up sitting in the back of his limo in the Tim Horton’s parking lot talking for two hours, where he proceeded to break all kinds of first-date protocol by telling me far too much about himself.

He laid all of his cards out on the table. Stop! It’s too much. Too soon! And basically what he had on offer was stunningly disappointing; I appreciate that he wanted to be honest and straight-up with me, but at the same time, I really wished he had scaled it back. All of his rambling and telling it to me straight did nothing except suck the romance and intrigue out of someone who I actually thought had quite a bit going for him. He managed to wipe all of it out in less than 2 hours. I guess I should be grateful to him for not wasting my time, but on the same token, I wish I could have been afforded the luxury of discovering things about him for myself, instead of just being told. I came home feeling like I’d been ripped off; he made me feel like I didn’t deserve, nor would I ever get more than what he was offering. And then he tried to kiss me!

The evening left me wondering what happened to the art of a good date. Dinner. Movie. The magic of discovery? And why did we drive all the way to Tim’s just to sit in the back seat? We could just have sat in the back out front of my condo. Maybe for Valentine’s Day, he'll take me to the Starbuck's parking lot, I thought wistfully...