Send in the Clowns

I happened to catch Steve Harvey on Ellen earlier this week (yes, I work from home. What?) I never watch Ellen, and I vaguely remember the comedian. In any case, I have survived--quite successfully I might add--another Valentine's Day. Or Singles Appreciation Day as it is known 'mongst some crowds.

So since that hurdle is over, I'm wondering if there is some new dating advice I could get out there from...oh I dunno. Possibly a washed-up-mighta-been-funny-once-upon-a-time-Comedian?

Harvey has a new book out called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.

Uh really? Isn't he on marriage number three? Isn’t this the same man that cheated on his second wife with his third wife, and screwed his second wife in an ugly divorce settlement?

I'm taking advice from middle-aged black men, people. Send in the clowns.

Well except that he kinda, maybe has a point. Or two.

His angle is that if a man is approaching you, it is because he sees something he likes and he is coming over to find out how much it is going to cost him to get it.

Men are either playing you or planning with you. (See how clever he was with that wordology?*) Anything else they tell you is just bullshit. It's smoke an mirrors. (Or, as I like to call it--smoke and morons.)

Raise the bar and the man will rise to meet it;If he doesn't he's playing. In fact, if he does anything other than be serious, honest, open and commited, he's playing. Doesn't call when he says he's going to? Playin.' Lies to you? Playin.' Telling you that things are moving too fast? PLAY-IN. This is basically Steve Harvey's version of 'He's Just Not That Into You."

What I did find intriguing was that he thinks women should institute a 90-day rule. He enjoys likening it back to the Ford Motor Company's probationary period. You don't get the benefits package until the 90-days are up and the employee has proven that he is fit for the job. His take is that if the Ford Motor Company makes you wait ninety days, then why are women only making you wait three dates?

So what he's saying is not rocket science. Nothing new. Old as the hills. And so totally and completely and embarrassingly obvious that it should go without saying.

So...why is it resonating so much?

Could it be?

I'm finally?

listening?

The interesting thing is that my friend L has been trying to drill this EXACT SAME INFORMATION into my head for the better part of a year now (not to mention countless years previously invested by other friends) and I have more or less dismissed it because she is a Christian.

I think those Christian folk play by an entirely different rule book. You see, when they were handing out the rule books in kindergarten, I didn't get the 'You're-worth-waiting-for' handout or the 'Wait-until-marriage-or-you'll-burn-in-Hell handout'; Nope, I got the 'take-what-you-can-get' handout and the 'Get-it-while-you-can' handout. Me and Janis Joplin.

So I wasn't rejecting outright what friend has been telling me, I just don't really think we play by the same rules. Different handouts. I don't need God in my bedroom; and so I don't need the same God rule book.

I hate the game; I hate the rules. Why can't it be about two adults in a mutually beneficial agreement where everyone is happy? Well, because that would just make too much sense. And also, I think for that mutually beneficial thing to work, it might help to have clothes on.

So yes Friends: I am going to take dating advice from a thrice-married brother. And then I'll probably sleep with him. But not until the ninety day probationary period is up.

Ha! (Even typing it makes me laugh out loud.)

Place Your Bets.

*not a real word, I know. But Steve harvey might think it is.