Two Months With My Dad

My dad is a good, good man who happens to have lost his short-term memory.

He came to stay with us for a couple of months while my mom was working in Northern BC.

I learned a lot about myself while he was here. And it was a pleasure to have him around. So gentle, kind and easy to please.

Here's some cool stuff about my Pops:
-He never complains.
-He carves a mean bird.
-When he's hungry, instead of asking for food, he offers to take me out for dinner.
-He never moves faster than when I say we're going to Dairy Queen.
-He still loves my mom even after all these years.
-Dad will sing along to anything. He is a true music appreciator.

-He is happy as long as I am happy.

All it really takes to make him happy is the morning paper and a constant supply of coffee, cookies, scotch and music.

And the affection. Oh, the affection has been like a salve on my craggy old heart. Hugs all day long. I will miss the morning hugs, the good night hugs and all the hugs in between. I will miss cleaning his glasses and knowing that his response will be the EXACT same every time. There is comfort in that continuity. I will miss the look of delight and surprise on his face when I bring him something he has asked me for -like a cup of tea- but has forgotten asking me for.

'How did you know, my dear?'

I will miss rubbing his back when he forgets something, or gets upset about mom 'sending him here' and explaining over and over again how happy we are to have him with us. Because it's true.

There was such intimacy in these moments. This is what love is. No hiding from the truth.

In giving to him, I have gotten more than I ever thought possible.

The roles have reversed. And that's okay.

He may not ever remember this time with us, but we will. He is creating memories for us that will last forever. I have missed him. I want him closer. I realized that if it ever comes right down to it, I could and would gladly take care of him. That is a huge relief to know, on the heels of a breakup with a man who liked to tell me always how selfish I was. Always believing myself - on some level- to be cruel, heartless and selfish, dad let me be kind, loving and giving.

And that has been the biggest gift of all.


I love you, Dad. And thank you.