Condo Boards, Who Needs 'Em?

Also available on the Calgary Herald Q

Are you a control freak? Do you have a severe lack of love in your life and feel the need to dominate over others by exercising what little power you may have accidentally been awarded? Then by all means, why don’t you get yourself elected to a Condo Board.

I am a renter. I have been a renter all of my adult life. I used to be ashamed of this, but got over it once I saw the ridiculous Calgary house prices and decided to spend the interest which I would have been paying to a bank on summer vacations in Central America and South East Asia. Besides, I am going to die young or marry rich, so why own? It’s all going to work out.

I have been living in a condo for the past two years and—for the most part—loving it. It’s a great place, quiet, large, fabulous, and stumbling distance from everything on 17 Ave. One problem: it is run by militant robots. Said militants have nothing better to do but patrol the underground parking lot all day and figure out who is abusing the use of the Visitor Parking by-laws by *gasp* having their visitors park there.

Yep. I have visitors who are not allowed to park in visitor parking. Our request was denied by the Board, with no reason given.

My issue is less with the by-laws they have put in place as the way in which said by-laws are enforced. The Board hides behind its ‘security’ reason and its ‘space’ reason, although we have 11 or 12 visitor parking stalls which are *always* empty. I wonder why. Yes, people used to abuse the visitor parking and park their second vehicles there; yes, people used to rent out the stall to downtown commuters and make a profit; yes each visitor vehicle should be registered with the Condo Board to prevent abuse.

But shouldn’t each visitor be evaluated on a case by case basis? If the Board has been made aware of the make, model and license plate number of a vehicle and told the exact dates in which the vehicle will be there, by a paying tenant, shouldn’t they approve it outright? Well, the reasonable answer of course, is yes. Except that Condo Boards are not comprised of reasonable people. In fact, Hitler called and he would like control of the world back.

And think you have any rights as a renter? Think again. Not only will the Board not give me valid reason why our visitors are not allowed to park IN THE VISITOR PARKING—they won’t even speak to us because we are lowly renters and as such, should not even be allowed to breathe the same air, let alone carry on a civilized conversation. And any communication I have had with the Condo management company has been rude, disrespectful and brusque.

The people who run the condo boards are the same people who are jerks to waiters in restaurants and treat custodians like they are doing them a favour by creating garbage for them to pick up. Of course, I am sure that there are reasonable people out there who are members of Condo boards, I just don’t happen to live in one with any of them.

One thing I’ve learned in the two years that I’ve been a renter in a condo: It really pisses the owners off that any old riff-raff with enough money to pay rent can occupy the exact same space without paying the crippling mortgage. God, it angers the hell out of them.

Of course, I was told by the Condo management company today—because of course no one on the board will deign speak with me—that if I was unhappy with the condo board policies, I am free to rent elsewhere. Because that’s such a practical alternative. And were it not so spacious, so air-conditioned and so close to the heart of the city, I probably would move, but I rather think it will piss them off more if I stick around.

So if you want to come and visit me, feel free. But you had better come on foot or the boogeyman will jump out from behind the garage door and eat you.