Dating 101

Memorandum To All Single Men Looking For Love:

Yo, buddy. If you are out on a first date with a woman and you’re trying to impress her, here’s a pointer: PAY FOR HER MEAL.

Show a little class, gentlemen. Please.

It is 2008. Yes, women are now liberated. Sure, we are independent. Of course, we can pay our own way. But we are on a date to see if we can build a life with you. We are not all gold-diggers. If we’re out there, it’s because we are looking for a man with confidence who can show us that he can take care of us. If you have neither the means, the inclination or frankly, the manners to do so, then you are wasting our time.

I spent many years in turmoil about this very issue. I used to get insulted when a man tried to buy me a drink, a meal, a movie, an anything…because I thought it meant that there was a certain expectation attached to whatever it was he was buying me.

Now that I'm over thirty, I realize that's bullshit.

No matter how freethinking, enlightened and open-minded the modern-day woman is, this is what it boils down to: She is on a date with you looking for safety and security from a possible future life partner. What she is most definitely *not* looking for, is to go dutch with you. We have friends for that.

I work two jobs and am in the middle of writing a book. There are close friends of mine whom I have not seen in weeks. If I am going to make time to go on a first date, it had damn well better be worth my while. The truth is, if I was going to pay for my own lunch, I would rather have gone out with one of my girlfriends and had a good time instead of feeling like I was sitting through a painful, dead-end job interview.

It's an hour-and-a-half of my life I'm never going to get back. I mean, I could have been in the library doing research.

And let’s be clear here, folks. I had a salad and a glass of water for lunch. Our entire bill came to $27.00. We each paid fifteen. I did not break the bank with extravagant lobster and a never-ending line of Cosmos. Salad and water.

Men, if this is a murky area for you and you’re not sure what to do, err on the side of caution. Pay the whole damn bill. Or at least offer to. If your date isn’t comfortable with you doing so, she’ll let you know. And contrary to whatever you’re thinking, women are not just going out with you for a free meal. If you don’t want to pay or can’t afford to, then come up with some lovely original date idea that will cost nothing. There are plenty of walks in the park and summer festivals to be had where you can gauge where the girl is at before deciding whether or not she’s worth shelling out the $15.00 for.

And as one of my friends says : "Abort! Abort!! No good ever comes from having to pay for your own ANYTHING on a first date!!!”

Amen, sista.

And don't get me wrong, if the fellah had talked about something other than a) Jr. High School b) Internet dating c) Synagogue, I wouldn't have minded shelling out for my own meal. But man, if you are unwilling or unable to pay for my meal, that is a DEAL.BREAKER. I am going to be gone faster than you can say ‘cheque, please.’