Suffering Is Optional

I believe in the adage: “The past is only good for two things: fond memories and lessons learned.” Oprah put it differently: “Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.” I know this is easier said than done, but seems to me, moving towards forgiveness and away from pain can only reward us in the end.

I have been thinking a lot about pain and suffering lately—where it comes from, why it happens, how to heal it. Basically I believe that everything in our life is a choice. Not that we can choose or prevent or control the events in our lives, but that we can choose and control how we look at them. The gurus call this framing. They of course believe that all events in life are neutral and how we frame them—in a positive or negative way—is up to us. We can either resist them or accept them and move on. The ones that don’t are choosing to be victims.

The thing I like about this is that it really appeals to my practical, linear side. It takes out the randomness and helplessness of the daily events of our lives and puts it in our hands. It moves unfair, crummy acts from a state of submission, helplessness and victimology to one of action. I am all about the action. Action is a thing of such great beauty and reverence; it’s electrifying; I respect and understand and appreciate action. In other words, I listen to what you say, but I pay much, much closer attention to what you do. And the level of my respect has a direct correlation on my observances. Of course, I am working on loving unconditionally those whom I don’t respect, mostly because my observences are based on my own filter, which is so thick that it doesn’t leave much room for compassion. I need to observe without judging. Another gene I am missing is the put-myself-in-your-shoes gene. But I digress.

All this to say that I love the Buddhist philosophy that “Pain is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional”, which I recently stumbled upon in a book. It is inevitable that you are going to feel pain; doesn’t mean you have to suffer from it. I do think pain happens for a reason, to teach us something; I don’t necessarily think we should run from it. And Deepak Chopra has said something about learning to sit with your pain and going in and rooting around in the seat of pain if you really ever want to get to know and ultimately move past and through it. This is a process, I know. It taks some of us longer than others, I know. Pain is an interesting thing to analyze, when you're not in the grip of it. But suffering? I do think that humans suffer unnecessarily. And what is that good for? Nuttin'.

For me, it is really simple: there is a difference between being victimized and being a victim. Take what you need from an experience, learn what you were meant to from it, and then move along. Leave it behind. Take out the trash. Nothing to see here, people.

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