Gravitational Pull

Something weird has been happening to me lately. On Sunday, I spent the entire day with my boyfriend and then came home and promptly spent another 30 minutes talking on the phone with him. Completely new experience for me. Wanting more from someone that I just saw, that is.

I have always been the type of person who spends time with others, gets my fill and then is happy for time to myself. I like my space. I like to do my own thing. I have a cap on the amount of time I can spend with people before they start to get on my nerves. I may like you, I may love you. But there is a limit before I start getting your coat and ushering you quickly out the door.

See ya!

I seriously always pictured myself as one of those women who was somehow flawed; some sort of aberration…devoid of the Mommy gene and the Marrying gene. I had this notion of myself as the type of woman who would take lovers, but always keep a separate home from them; one who would quite happily see out her days in a Katherine Hepburn-esque existence. In love but (*deep booming voice*) IN CHARGE. Forever keeping my wits about me.

Well, har de har, har har. Joke’s on me.

There is this invisible force around me, around us. It is pulling me towards him despite my best efforts to maintain my footing and stand my ground. I am reluctant to get swept up in the force of it, lest it be a black hole, a vortex, a no-man’s land out of which I will never be free. It’s like he is his own planet, with his own orbit. And pretty soon, we are going to collide. And pretty soon, I am going to be in deeper than I would like. So deep that getting out unscathed will be impossible. Are we there yet? At the point of no return? It’s inevitable. It’s like I’m on a plane that is about to crash and burn; I’ve still got my finger on the button that will catapult me out of the Ejection Seat to safety. But if I wait too long, there’ll be no turning back.

It’s starting to really sink in, the reality that we could actually really be together long term. It’s seeping in, trickling through my bones and taking root. And it’s scaring the shit out of me.

I told him this last night, how I am fighting his gravitational pull. And what a new experience it is for me. I rambled a bit, trying to gauge his reaction.

Quiet, as usual.

And eventually: ‘Are you even listening to me?’

He just said calmly: ‘I feel the same way. Our orbits will collide, and pull us to the Centre of the Universe.’

‘What’s at the Centre of the Universe,’ I asked him.

He replied: Love. Respect. Honesty.

~SWOON~

If this is where he is taking me, then so be it.