GUTTER BALL

I am completely disgusted. DISFUCKINGGUSTED! I am all for giving men the benefit of the doubt, and as with everything in my life, I apply to them the philosophy of aiming low. The lower your expectations, the less likely you are to be disappointed. I have successfully applied this philosophy to almost everything in life: travel, work and especially men. And I think we can all agree that I have put up with more than my fair share of shit.

So I met a phenomenal man last Friday night after our staff Christmas party. It’s only been a week. I have no expectations or delusions about a ‘future together’ or anything at all. I have learned to go with the flow and respond to their signals. And of course, to aim low. But just exactly how LOW am I supposed to go? After our initial meeting, which incidentally was like a chemical reaction—hot and explosive—we had a somewhat awkward and distant conversation, which he finished by suggesting we go to a movie. So, I waited the acceptable 4 days before calling him last night with a plan. I was a gal with a plan! And it was a good one! I suggested that the two of us go with some mutual friends to see the movie ‘Blood Diamond’ opening tonight. I thought this was perfect. A good movie, no pressure, mutual friends, good times…We had a great conversation, but unfortunately, he wasn’t be able to come tonight because he had plans to go to the hockey game already. This didn’t surprise me as it was already Thursday. We made alternate arrangements for next Tuesday, as he is going out of town this weekend.

Well, I just found out that there IS no hockey game tonight! Sale menteur! And I only even found out by accident! One of my students mentioned that he went to the hockey game last night, and I said ‘Oh, there’s one tonight too, isn’t there?’ Well, no there isn’t. I checked and rechecked about 15 times and with a hundred different sources. And I am so DISGUSTED because there was ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO LIE. Why not just say, ‘Sorry, I’ve already got plans’ ?!? Why fabricate some stupid FUCKING bullshit story?! And after a week, I certainly don’t expect that I be the only person he is dating. He doesn’t have to rub my face in it, but he doesn’t have to lie either. So there is aiming low, and there is dating in the gutter. I am so completely unseated by the whole situation. Do I honestly not deserve better than two-timing, mean, cruel, bad-kissin, bad lyin’ sons-of-bitches?! Fucking hell.

Today, I’ve got a face like a slapped asshole. And am completely disgusted with all of mankind.

So, our lyrics of the day! Compliments of Annie Lennox, the only thing to have saved me from jumping off a bridge this week:

I don't need a heartbreaker
Fifty-faced trouble maker
Two timing time taker
Dirty little money maker
Muscle bound cheap skate
Low down woman hater
Triple crossing double dater
Yella bellied alligator...

That woman is a salve! Other soul-savers:

Lifted
Little Bird
Pavement Cracks
I've Tried Everything
Waiting in Vain
Power To the Meek
Bitter Pill
Savage
Loneliness
Erased